February the 13th is International Self Love Day, which I think is gorgeous; a beautiful message that reminds us to love thyself first and foremost, before Valentines Day rocks around, and we spoil the other people in our life.
My new bloggy friend and fellow coach, Kirri White, inspired this post today. She recently contacted me with her desire to spread the Self Love message with a series of posts, and I was more than happy to jump on board.
‘Self Love’ is a never-ending journey for me. Some days I feel as though the very concept is a guiding force in my life, and others, I feel disconnected from the sheer power of it. It’s an experiment- a beautiful one- and an important one.
Yesterday, I guest posted over at Wild Sister, with somewhat of a definition of how I’d describe self love at this point in my life: letting go, and giving yourself what you need. You can read more about that here.
But for this particularly project, I decided to write a letter to the girl I was five years ago, who I still love very much to this day. I think that in itself would come as a surprise to her, because I remember her never being pleased with who she was, how she showed up in the word, or how she looked. Travel back in time with me…
Dear 21 Year Old Tara,
Photo courtesy of Soph from Owl vs Dove. Circa 2007-ish
I wish you knew that you’re a total babe just the way you are.
I know you feel awkward and a little like you just don’t fit in, especially when you don’t have volleyball and drugs to hide behind, but would you believe me if I promised you that one day, you’d support and nourish and celebrate every morsel of your being that you’re currently trying to keep hidden from the world?
I also wish I could tell you that the tears would all make sense one day. That every time you pack your bags (which you will) to run away, you truly will find more of you. Don’t listen to those around you who berate you for hitting the road. You’re going exactly where you need to go, and sooner than you think, you won’t have to look any further. Travel will become a thing of vibrant discovery, not just a band-aid that covers up your wounds.
You’re not going to want to hear this, but even though you think drugs, alcohol and late nights fulfill you, inspire you and connect you to your friends, they don’t. I know that’s hard to hear, because it’s a world thats tricked you into loving it, but Ta’s, you’re exhausted. You don’t need to exercise for 30+ hours a week and work double shifts in between binged benders. You need to rest and leave the city. You cry too often to be happy darlin.
I want you to set your sights on snow-capped mountains, because trust me, they’ll heal you, and next year, you’ll be happier than ever.
Also, you don’t have to wait. Taking action is a strength of yours, and it always will be. If your gut says ‘leave him’, then listen. If it says ‘this isn’t good enough anymore’, then do what it takes. Your intuition has never failed you.
You’ve always labelled yourself as ‘shy’, but soon you’ll be speaking in front of hundreds of people and connecting with women you admire.
You think you can’t dance without drugs, but woman, you’re wrong.
You think something’s wrong with you, because he won’t stick around. He’s a beautiful experience for you to learn more about yourself and your boundaries. Soon, you’ll meet a man and there will be no doubt about whether he loves you. There will be challenges, and this relationship will show you how much you need to love yourself first and foremost.
You think no one understands you, but you just haven’t found your tribe yet. Keep journalling- your writing will come in handy one day.
In a few weeks, I’ll be 26, and I can’t even tell you how happy we are. We’ve been drug free for well over 12 months. We live at the beach with a beautiful man (who we managed to marry!), and we spend most of our time laughing, writing, cooking and helping other women go through what you’re experiencing now.
And before I go…
You’re beautiful.
Creative.
Adventurous and brave.
Generous.
And, you’re okay.
You’re happy and vibrant at 26, and stepping away from the Party has been so, so worth it.
I love you,
26 year old
Over to you, sweet potato. With this Self Love storm whizzing around us, how is it that YOU define it? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!
PS. Is the Party Girls Guide to Peace for you? Find out here.
Damn Tara – I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out!
You have painted an exquisite portrait of what self-love means for you and shed light on the fact that this self-love journey is not a straight path – it’s a challenging, weaving trek at times, but so bloody worth it!
Thank you for your support and for lending so much of your heart in the process x
Kirri this comment gave me goosebumps! Thank you so much for lending me the inspiration to write this letter to a part of myself.
I absolutely love what you’re doing in the world and feels so blessed to have met you! x
Oh babe. This post made me tear up! Sending so much love vibes to you right now. So raw, so honest, so empowering. Isn’t it beautiful how we look back and don’t regret any bit of it at all? No part is not supposed to be the way it is, and looking at the Now, I know this will be the case too! Yay! :) x
You’re so right babe- it can feel SO difficult, and stuck and broken-hearted at the time, but in the end, all we can do is look back at smile . We’re always doing the very best we can xx
What a beautiful post. Kirri, who I adore, brought me over here.
If only our younger selves really knew the beautiful life that lay ahead if we just bathe ourselves in more self-love.
I get how the travel helps. It certainly did it for me!
Thank you so much for stopping by Caz, it’s always so exciting to see new faces around here! xxx
You are so beautiful Tara. So many have been in your previous situation, and so many are yet to. Thank goodness they have you to guide them to their best self xx
What a beautiful thing to say Belinda. Thank you for your words x
What a beautiful post Tara! This definitely got my emotions going, I have tears running down my face. I love the idea of writing your past self a letter and I love how you celebrate every experience and moment you have had to get where you are today. Imagine in 5 years time what you will be writing to yourself today. You are a Goddess and a blessing xx.
And what you see in me is in you. Your journey was a huge inspiration for me to create the PGG2P honey. We just want to feel as though we belong- as though we matter. And we do, always… we just have to keep letting go; whether it’s of expectation, addiction, or bad habits.
It’s always worth it.
Love you x
That was really amazing..even made me cry just a little. Wish I knew all this at 21 (lol!) Glad that wisdom comes with age :)
Thank you beautiful!
My journey probably explains why I FEEL more 36 then 26, but at the end of the day- age is age. I’m happy to be learning lessons and digesting them well. I think that’s one of my main purposes in this life actually- to help other women digest the lessons in their experiences. It can feel like a nightmare sometimes, which is why practicing presence is vital.
Thank you for being here :)
Too beautiful. Tea jerkingly so. You are an angel, truly. Gosh I feel a lot of love for youx
So beautiful honey & so heart felt. You are so inspirational & the amount of glowing pride you must feel for your almost 26 yr old self must be huge- as it should be. You shine so brightly darling thank you for lighting the way mwah xxx
Tara
I am not surprised you *feel* more 36 than 26. You are wise beyond those 26 years. This is coming from someone who will be 36 this year and up until 437 days ago, acted much like your 21 year old self.
This is the first of your blogs I have read, but it, and PGG2P resonates very strongly with me.
I think I was meant to find you.
Well I’m glad you found me too babe. Welcome :) x
Incredibly raw and honest post – absolutely beautiful miss! :)
First post I have read of yours Tara, and I am so grateful I’ve come across it. Sounds like we travelled the same road. Cant wait to read more. Maddie x
Oh honey, thank you for visiting!!