What I Learnt (About Myself) at ProBlogger 2013

This isn’t a typical ProBlogger wrap up. It’s an adventure into my mind (as per usual).

Clare Bowditch asked us:

 What did you want to be when you grew up, as a child?

At first I kinda resisted. We hear these same old personal growth triggering questions time after time. Nonetheless, ah, what the hell.  I wrote:

Hairdresser

Elite athlete

Song writer

And I dazed upon that list for a little while, remembering what it felt like to crave such specific (and different) careers at such a young age. And I mean young. As you can see, the obsession started early.

I could feel it all become present again. It’s all still real. I still long for what those dreams feel like.

Sometimes we have to look beyond the initial calling that beckons us and investigate its essence – dig a little deeper – and discover what its true message is.

I hairdressed for years. It was an incredibly love-hate relationship. Loved having a blank canvas to work on every 45 minutes. Hated feeling like I’d been run over by a truck at the end of a 12 hour Thursday shift, or an adrenaline-filled Saturday.

My favourite part of the process came at the end, after the blow wave – getting my hands right in there, and, ruffling up! the whole head of hair from the front of the forehead to the nape of the neck. It felt like true creative power. A visceral, hands on way to create visual art.

I was born sprinting. My dream to be an athlete hails from, I believe, a desire to feel strong in my body. This was one of the only areas in my life that I had control of as a child; that I could find solace in. I often teach my clients today that our body is our only true home, and on a subconscious level I feel I’ve believed that all along. My body was agile and nimble as a little girl and whether I was sprinting the 200m – or, later in life, zipping around a volleyball court – I felt free and powerful. No surprise then that in adulthood, I’ve ‘found’ yoga, furthering the investigation into my true home.

And finally, the songwriting.

I have a memory of writing these lyrics in my chunky white notebook at aged nine:

I know… I may be young..

I may be dumb and naive…

but I know…

this ain’t how it ‘spose to be.

At nine I was more curious about what wasn’t around me, what wasn’t being said, or expressed, and I think it’s fair to say that that willingness to adventure into the unknown has stuck around.

I wanted to string words together in a way caused a vibration of emotion. Still do.

But I should stay here, that I don’t consider myself one of those people who have been natural writers their whole life, because I haven’t. I excelled in English at school because I wrote the way the teachers taught me to write. I rarely kept a journal. I didn’t even read a whole hell of a lot. My friends are often telling my about incredible bloggers that they love, and I think to myself, Who the bloody hell is that?  This writing thing happened by ‘accident’, and I consider it more of a Coming Home than an evolution. It’s a very, very private process. Well, normally. ;)

So, how do we bundle this up into a package that resonates at a Life Purpose level, without the pressure?

It’s in my DNA to sink deep into things, to feel the creative process take over (hairdressing). To feel strong and powerful and present within my body (athlete). And to arrange words in such a way that they leave an imprint (song writer).

Boom. Feels good to me. Try it yourself.

 During the final keynote of the event, Darren asked us:

What’s your dream?

Again, my brain immediately goes, ho – hum.  I’ve explored this before, and I’ve asked my readers this question, twice.  But again, screw it. This happened:

To love, explore and marvel at the world.

No specifics. Just a pretty picture.

So, sitting at home hitting pen to paper, way past my bed time, I dug a little deeper.

To love:  To laugh, to give freely, to soften, to open up.

To explore: To travel, to get lost in my creative cave (time and time again), to contemplate, reflect and wonder, to be present in the pain, present in the joy. To seek – always.

To marvel: To appreciate, to notice the breathtaking beauty, to fist pump – often, and, to generally not be one of those jackasses that take everything for granted.

Clare Bowditch mesmerised us with her quirk and sass, ebbing and flowing from sarcastic sweetheart to a beacon of pure strength and inspiration.  Amy Porterfield set the place alight with her warmth and enthusiasm.  Bernadette Diwa (author of the Fortune Cookie Principal) had me swooning. She spanked us with one-liners from start to finish:

Content is how you touch people. People don’t care about your blog – they care about how it makes them feel. Instead of aiming to be top of mind, aim to be close to heart. Focus on Making A Difference, instead of Being Different. Bring people along with you.

Yes ma’am! 

All in all, I really did love ProBlogger, mostly because it felt empowering to geek out in the world that I spend most of my time in! Maybe I’ll see you next year?

What about you?  Care to share what it is you craved as a little one? What do you think is hiding behind the longing of your seven year old soul? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Photo: Hannah Millerick