Amy is a Mama Bear on a mission to enable other Mamas the permission to be happy. (Try saying that 5 times fast).
To tend to their truest dreams as they would their children. To decide that self-care as a Mama aint narcissistic, or self-indulgent, but rather, freaking imperative, and of course, I shout Bravo! to that.
But something that Amy’s readers, and perhaps even close friends and family don’t know about her, and what I feel utterly privileged to have observed over the last 9ish months, is that she is so humbly and awe-inspiringly relentless in her quest for Self.
I watched her straddle down from warrior-like Perfectionism in favour of Surrender.
I caught her tears in my heart the day she declared: Tara, I want to dive deeper. And so we did.
Amy, to me, is more than just a Mama, she’s an archetypal mother in every sense of the word: Strong, creative, brutally protective, wholesome. Her voice is a gift to this world, and her book Happy Mama: A Spiritual Survival Guide to the Early Years of Motherhood, is sure to be one that will lay upon my pregnant belly, when the time comes.
With a proud smile on my face, it’s my damn pleasure to introduce you to Amy Taylor-Kabbaz.
Sum up your mission in one sentence.
To guide and inspire new Mums to see through the fog of sleep deprivation, fear and overwhelm and instead see this time as the birth of the real you.
Can you share with us one of your most vulnerable moments (and in hindsight, what made it so beautiful)?
Vulnerable moments are a regular occurrence in motherhood, but there is one that really stands out as a big wake up call for me…
It was the middle of the night, in the middle of winter, and I was pacing my lounge room with my second baby. She wouldn’t sleep and wouldn’t stop crying. I was desperately trying to deal with it as my husband had an enormous day at work the next day, and I didn’t want to wake up my other daughter.
But I just couldn’t. I was at my wits end, and I suddenly thought – I have no idea what I am doing! A big, hot, ball of fear bubbled up inside me, and I felt totally overwhelmed. I stopped pacing and rocking her, and lifted this tiny little baby up to my face and said to her – I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do.
It was a turning point for me. I had assumed that after the huge lessons of my first child, I would know exactly what I was doing with my second, and it would be a breeze. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I would be ‘perfect.’ But at that moment, in that lounge room, I realised that there was no ‘right way of doing it’. There never will be. There’s only moment to moment.
Every child, and every day, has it’s own lessons. This too will pass.
From that moment on, I stopped trying to ‘fix’ everything. I stopped trying to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect woman. I stopped pacing the lounge room trying to ‘figure it out’. Instead, I just had a big, old, ugly cry, cuddled my baby until she eventually fell asleep, and forgave myself for not knowing all the answers.
It is this realisation that fuelled my years of research, interviewing and writing about how to find yourself while raising your little ones, and has culminated in my eBook for Mums, Happy Mama.
This is the book I wish I could have read that cold winter’s night.
What turns you on?
My husband on the dance floor. He starts dancing, and my body goes all tingly. Even after 12 years. Seriously!
What makes your blood boil?
Not being heard, not being seen, not being loved for being me. Big, big realisation, but this is what I have been fighting for my whole life. And now that I’ve started, there’s no stopping me!
How do you define confidence?
A belief in yourself that is beyond others’ opinions of you. An ability to stand true in your uniqueness, and smile at the world.
When was the last time you experienced pure, unadulterated joy? Can you give us the juicy details?
It’s an obvious one, but the birth of my son three months ago would have to be the biggie.
After two rushed and rather undignified births (think a room full of slightly panicked midwives and doctors all starting at me as I try to first push out a baby that refused to budge, and then a breech baby), I was determined to try and bring our son into the world peacefully. Quietly. Just my husband and I, with a midwife somewhere in the background. I even wanted to deliver him myself if possible.
And the universe gave me exactly that.
Our gorgeous ‘surprise’ baby boy was born on the floor of a darkened and quiet room in the birthing suite, with my husband rubbing my back and a beautiful midwife gently encouraging us. I even held his head as he came out.
I birthed my baby.
We then lay on that same floor, not moving, for nearly an hour, staring into the most beautiful blue eyes.
He didn’t even cry. He simply just lay on my chest staring up at me.
Me. His Mama.
{Note from Tara: Is anyone else CRYING right now?! Wah!}
Looking back, how have you most GROWN?
Through learning from the tough times. I wish I could say that growth doesn’t have to come from hard times, but for me, I have been stripped down to nothing but myself a number of times in my life, and it is then that I have learnt my true strength. I have picked myself up, asked myself what the hell the lesson is this time, and gone about learning it. And through journaling, yoga, reading, learning, writing, tears, and big long gorgeous conversations with my soul sisters and soul mate, I have grown.
Combining my passions with a business I love makes me feel …
Connected. Connected to myself, to my tribe, and to my purpose.
Receiving emails and messages from Mums who, after reading Happy Mama, have found themselves again after feeling totally lost and overwhelmed fills me with the most amazing joy. I sometimes have to sit back and remind myself – I did that. It’s a truly humbling experience to turn my hardships into soul lessons for other Mamas.
Few people know this about me, but I …
Have broken my nose four times and had a nose job at 15!
I secretly wish I could …
Have long gorgeous hair. I even tried hair-extensions once. Big mistake.
To me, the words ‘Such Different Skies’ mean …
How different the morning light looks when you stop seeing it through up-all-night-partying eyes, and start seeing it with morning-meditation-with-a-cup-of-hot-water-and-lemon eyes. As a former wild girl who saw far too many dawns after dancing all night, ‘Such Different Skies’ has always signalled to me a new way to see the world when you start looking after yourself.
Amy Taylor-Kabbaz is the creator of the popular website for Mums, Seek Act Love, and author of Happy Mama: A Spiritual Survival Guide to the Early Years of Motherhood. You can follow her daily inspiration and join the growing tribe of Mamas putting their self-care first at her Facebook page.
Let’s give Amy some love in the comments, and if you know a few peeps who who’d do well to read this interview, go right ahead and share it with your friends.
Amy, how I wish I had found you six years ago! To discover one’s true self through motherhood is such an unexpected and mindblowing experience on every level! I thought I’d never be the same again, until I realised this was me – 100%. Tara, thank you so much for introducing this fearless mama xxx
Amy, so privileged to ‘know’ you lovely lady. Beautiful interview xx
I wept reading this.. I can truly and soulfully relate to every part of it, ..and, you almost make me feel I could melt into Mother Nature just one more time for another bundle of joy.. How IS it so that such an experience can drag us through such hell yet we can spin around and want it all over again?! lol
The being ‘stripped down to nothing but myself a number of times’ is certainly where I’ve also learned so much because Motherhood is non-relenting to the tides of all else in your Life.
I’ve made surges forward after such times, but only to realise how Motherhood is such a deep well of constant personal learning that it’s sink and drown, or swim and confront. No choice. It is SUCH a beautiful, incredible time of Life, if only we can keep our minds and hearts clear and present to not let the miracle of it slip by. Like many mothers, I have huge chunks of time that are blur to me, ’cause I’ve obviously only ‘just made it to the other side’.
Amy, you share a story of a million women. You will be a beautiful light and kind support in many a dark and lonely night.
The validation mothers seek and need is forefront here. I have also come so far in my approach to my kids and my role as their mum since I have stood up and unashamedly begun to express my need to evolve myself and move toward something, other than Motherhood, that is important to me. This can only serve well for kids to see their mother do this, too.
I have come to really appreciate blogs, like Tara’s. They keep me bouyant on the hard days and spur me on a little further on the great days, with a renewed sense for me about what it’s like to be a woman – mother, or not – in today’s world, with the clear message coming through that we can move mountains without slogging our guts out, but rather having pure passion and quiet focus.
Thankyou, both :)
Love this beautiful account of the birth gorgeous Amy and that soulful description of putting down perfection and just being. Letting life happen and being in the moment. So many of us Mother’s are constantly searching for the answers outside ourselves but it is always in us, Our hearts already know what is best and how the path unfolds for us. We need to stop over-thinking it. I love your gorgeous book and those Mama’s reading this post need to make sure they get a copy pronto xx
Oh god i was in tears. This is so beautiful. I feel the need to forward her own to all of my friends who are currently preggers. Wow. This is so amazing, thank you Tara and Amy for your beautiful presence in this world!
Wow! Just wow!
Tara I wrote to you just yesterday…just yesterday I was looking and searching.
Today I spoke to my girls from mothers group and I told them that I was searching for meaning, purpose and my calling…
Then I came home and read an article about the concept of having only 60 minutes left to live…
I repeated this in my head “What you are is an act of love”
and now I read this!!! You have been planted on this earth to send messages to those that need it at the the most perfect time! Thank you, thank you, thank you
I made a new years resolution and it’s sticking…slowly but surely sticking.
“to love more deeply”
With my background in the early years, my connections to many a mother this is my calling…
I love this interview and I cried too! When your write about giving birth and being up all night with a crying baby it brings back so many memories. I loved those moments so much and now that they are far away (my youngest is turning 5) it still only takes one sentence and I am back there. How precious that time is and how important it is to rememeber (and remind new mums & dads) that it’s OK to feel lost and broken. We need to give ourselves permission to BE who we truly are and be the moms we are, not who we think we should be.
Love you, Amy, and I love the beautiful work you do!
Big hugs, Karina
Such a gorgeous interview. Amy you are amazing! I absolutely love what you’re doing for women who want to truly and authentically connect with themselves.. And also just happen to be mamas. Regularly visiting your site, reading the ebook and connecting with you in person (well via email.. Lol) has helped me introduce and actually try and embrace the idea of self care into my life. Something I very much neglected in the early days of my own motherhood journey. Thanks for sharing your wonderful insights. I can’t wait to actually meet in person one of these days!
Now it’s my turn to cry! What a beautiful tribe you have Tara, and I’m so honoured to be featured here. Working with you last year was the single smartest thing I did… thank you for believing in me, and helping me believe in myself. x
What a beautiful story and an inspiring woman! I don’t have kids (and I’m still not sure I will), but she is doing a great job of changing the dialogue from fear and losing yourself to love and being true to yourself. Perfection!