Women have a higher pain threshold than men. It’s believed that if a man were to give birth, he would die.
Holy shit, I thought, as I let what Carlos – our freakishly intelligent, ridiculously sweet and Mexican-accented yoga teacher – was telling us permeate into me, during our anatomy and physiology workshop on Saturday.
Holy.Shit.
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally jumped on the Game of Thrones bandwagon, maybe because I’m reading Red Moon by Miranda Gray(a recommendation from my naturopath), maybe because of the fascination I have with chakra 2 – or, most likely (let’s be honest) due to a combination of the lot, I found myself thinking about women as a whole. As a gender. As a sisterhood. As a force to be reckoned with.
When you put two and two together, it’s not difficult to understand why women have been suppressed, sold and controlled for thousands of years. With an inner light and strength like that; a fierce determination and protective fire that can out-flame a man’s – is it any wonder?
And when I cast my mind forward to today – an exciting time to be alive, particularly as a woman – the rise of the feminine – the global balancing of the yin with the yang – it all makes such pure, perfect sense to me as to why we as women need to embrace our strength and sing our song loudly.
I am not a feminist.
I’m actually not even sure what that words means to be honest, so who knows, maybe in fact, I am. What I do know is I’m all for equality. I love my husband. My dad is my hero. I’m thankful for my masculine qualities. I didn’t hoot and holler to discover the scale of feminine strength when stacked up against a man’s; I was just shocked. Blown away.
I thought about all the women in my life who carry on without acknowledging how divine and resilient they are. I think about times in my own life where I’ve attached myself to the pain and weakness of a story; completely unaware that lying latent within me was a whole history of crucification, but also resurrection, of past lives gone by.
Sitting there, on my yoga mat, I saw an image. We all carry each other in our womb. We are so interwoven with each other and the stars and the moon that it’s beyond comprehension. We carry with us the pain and burden of lives past; of being burned at the stake for being devoted to love and mother earth, of being silenced and abused. But we also share such sheer strength, which allows us to heal, care and protect.
I mean, come on. We bare children.
Let’s take a moment to sit with that.
You, my vagina-owning friend, are a freaking miracle.
Carlos also told us a story about a ten year old girl – one of his patients – who was on the pill.
‘Is she sexually active’ he asked her mother.
‘No. She just doesn’t want her first period.’
Hold the motherf*cking phone. My mind did cartwheels. Backflips. I’m pretty sure my eye twitched a little.
What?!
That intense, feminine power I’ve just spend 500+ words talking about? Crushed. Suppressed. Squashed in an instant, after siding with the seemingly prevalent yet radically ridiculous and harmful societal belief that the menstrual cycle is not only something to control, but something to be looked upon as a giant pain in the ass. A perpetual inconvenience.
This is dangerous.
But I get it. I’ve been there. Skipping period after period, just ’cause I could. I’ve been there. Groaning ‘Ugh!’ when that time of the month came round. Cursing my body for bloating, for being lethargic, for Bleeding At A Time That Didn’t Suit Me. I’ve been there.
The tagline of Red Moon, the book I mentioned above, is: Understanding and using the creative, sexual and spiritual gifts of the menstrual cycle, and sweet reader, it is a total game changer.
The menstrual cycle is a celebration of womanhood gaddammit. It’s creative flow coming through you. It’s your planetary sign to slow down, retreat, be gentle and tend to yourself. We’ve had it all backwards as a collective woman and we need to switch up our beliefs, pronto.
Do you hold onto the pain of your cycle? Do you blame your ‘poor behaviour’ on your cycle? Do you begrudge your period?
Here’s a thought. Next time, light a red candle. Look into the flame. Think of all the women in your life. Think of the women who are not in your life, and say Thank you. I am grateful to be a woman.
Read the first sentence of this blog post, and remember how strong you are.
This is also why I am so very passionate about the Party Girls Guide to Peace. All of this is chakra two stuff – creative stuff, sexual stuff, self-identification stuff. Saying bon voyage to your addictions and finally turning inward (finally!)- allowing the Universe to get to know itself THROUGH you. Retreating is important. Allowing yourself to be pushed and pulled by the cyclic nature of life is important. Knocking back five cosmopolitans is not.
How I celebrated Self-Centred Sundays this week.
What a day! The weather! The blue skies, the blazing sun! What happened to winter?
It was a sweaty, active edition of SCS this week. I ran the 6-ish kilometres around the beautiful headland, before heading to the markets for an organic haul. Glen and I then decided to walk/run to Broadbeach and back, adding an extra 10km to the day.
Needless to say, I can’t feel my hips. I need to spend about 35 hours on a foam roller, particularly after this morning’s session with Brieann.
We capped off our day with some gorgeous home made fried rice, and a new and improved version of Glen’s raw snickers.
I slept like a baby.
Here’s how YOU celebrated. Hashtage that shit #selfcentredsundays
Looking forward.
Ritual, baby. I’m all about it at the moment.
Candlelight, mantras, love-soaked intentions, pockets of joy and blazing energy. And yin yoga – have I mentioned how much I love it?
I’m also heading down to Melbourne this weekend with my gorgeous girls Rach, Jess and Yvette.
Deepak and Dyer? Don’t mind if I do, cheers HayHouse. Way to put two men I adore in front of me on stage.
Alrighty. Since I’m not in the business of holding back, I wanna hear about you and your – ahem – cycle. Let’s think big, beautiful change here. I know it’s not always easy. Sometimes it does hurt, sometimes our emotions do triple entendres in our head, but nonetheless, let’s remember that strength within us and cultivate a few powerful affirmations.
Finish this off me.
To me, the menstrual cycle represents: ( fill in the blank )
See you in the comments sweet girl.
Oh hon. I envy your ability to be able to roll with your cycle. My lack of clotting factor makes that a very unlikely possibility during this life. And even if sometimes I forget that mine aren’t anywhere close to normal, I have some reminders – on the weekend a friend who has just (in the last week) given birth told me off for not asking her for help when I’ve been sick over the last few months. And one of my doctors telling me recently she wishes I’d had kids already so she could remove the offending organ for me. I really wish I could get to the point where I could see the power and wonder in that one bodily function, but I don’t think its ever going to happen. On the other hand, if you ever need some menstrual perspective, pop over to my blog and have a read. :)
Amazing post Tara!
I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with my cycle.
When I got my first period I was SO excited! I was all “mum! I started my periods! Now I’m like you!”
Then they started to hurt!
For me my menstrual cycle is a great tempo for the month. When I’m ovulating I feel all energetic and when I’m on it’s a time to go in and be with myself. A bit like the 4 seasons in a year.
I’ve also noticed that my period hurts more or less depending on the month I’ve had. If it’s been an easy month it’s an easy period, if it’s been tough if it normally hurts more but I feel like it gives my body to clear and let go of the month and start a new at the end.
Thanks for opening up such a great discussion! There’s so much to say about this topic that one comment can’t even begin to cover!
Jade xx
I know! But you did an awesome job with what YOU covered.
Thank you so much for joining the conversation honey xx
Wow babe, this is absolutely beautiful. I’m not sure if this is “opposite” to the usual but I actually get a huge surge of clarity/ productive energy around that time of the month (but the week before? I’m in full-on retreat mode and need so much more gentleness and self-acceptance/ permission to slow the hell down).
So I say BRING IT. Being a woman is divine. xx
Oh you. Yes it IS.
Love you xx
OMGoddess Tara I looovvvveee this. This is why I’m so passionate about Red Tent.
I love that beautiful young women like you are paving the way for teenager and other young women to embrace this part of themselves.
I’ve only just started embracing my beautiful menstruation, creativity, sexuality and sensuality which after having my kids – became so disconnected from me.
To me the menstrual cycle represents a period ( no pun intended) of release, rest, rejuvenation, reconnection to my inner feminine goddess, time to just be, surrender and just letting it flow. A time for us to be fully presenting what it truly means to be a women – a creator and giver of life, a nurturer, a beautiful miracle maker – truly
I am just finished my first period, where I sent my beautiful flow love, gratitude and care and it was my first menstruation with absolutely no pain what so ever A-MAZING xox
Oh Megan, you are divine.
I bet it’s no coincidence that this was the first time you haven’t experienced pain. Don’t you love how that works?
xx
Great post Tara! When I ovulate & the week before my period, I often feel low or irritable & this is when my anxiety (I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder) is at it’s worst. These times are also when my inner mean girl can go a little crazy & I go through a lot of self-doubt. I have learnt to be really gentle & kind to myself during these times & I am still trying to find ways to make it a little easier. Then once I get my period, like Rach, I then feel great & get a surge of productive energy & clarity. Sure, being a woman sucks sometimes but I wouldn’t have it any other way! I value my cycle & being in touch with it. xx
Being a woman is a blessing!
Thanks for joining the conversation darling x
I love this Tara.
Since removing the pill from my life 12 months ago I have had period pain on the first day of my cycle the cripples me. If im at work, I have to go home, If im at home Im curled in a ball in pain with nausea. I have finally found a ritual for getting through this. As soon as I feel the first hint of pain I do a coffee enema and then hop straight into a warm bath with candles and incense. I stay for 2 and half hours or until the pain is bearable. I embrace my cycle even though this first day is hard, it forces me to retreat and rest and provide myself with some serious self love. I used to think this was the worst day of the month, I now see it as my opportunity for healing. I have learnt to embrace that day. Im going to try the red candle and gratitude next time.
Beautiful post.
Oh sweet heart you are seriously WISE beyond your years.
You are such an angel. x
What a beautiful and powerful post Tara :)
Since I stopped taking the pill 18 months ago I haven’t had a regular cycle and since dieting to compete in a fitness model competition earlier in the year my sporadic lady time has been non existent. At the moment I work in a male dominant industry and I find it hard to allow myself to listen to my body when that time of the month does come around because I’m always trying to keep up with the boys. I’m learning my lesson.
I have an appointment with a Chinese Herbalist for some acupuncture this week to take some steps to heal my body. When all starts to come back into a rhythm I promise myself to embrace that time for me, and give my body whatever it needs at the time.
Thank you for your strong, stirring words xx
Best of luck with the Chinese Medicine beautiful. Can I recommend that you buy the book I mentioned, also.
I think you’ll love it. x
Thank you so much again, I just ordered the book xx
This post came at a great time for me. I’m in between transitioning from “normal” menstrual hygiene products to more “radical” means (i.e. the diva cup). I found myself constantly grossed out and embarrassed by this beautiful and natural cycle until recently, and have decided to embrace the natural rhythms of my womanhood. Thank you for bringing such a lovely reminder to us.
With love xo
With pleasure darling, you’re welcome.
Thank YOU for leaving some love x
Awesome post :) to me when the rivers run red so to speak I really feel like it’s a big cleansing experience, I feel renewed and a strange kind of sexy and powerful.
The week beforehand I am in all kinds of hormonal upset and pain but as I tune into myself more and focus on my second chakra, BIG one for me at the moment, my one that’s most out of whack – (I’m getting there but still a long ways to go) I am finding it getting better.
Argh how amazing is Yin Yoga, that and purna are my absolute favourites no question! Xo.
Oh I’m with you there babe- I think Chakra 2 offers MOST of us women a HUGE opportunity for healing.
I love what you wrote of your experience. Thank you so much for sharing x
My mama raised me as a feminist. The word was defined as pro equality and I was taught to always do my best in helping other women. And lucky I grew up with friends that believed in the same. We were kind and we helped each other achieve our goals. I always felt that being a female was special. We could do anything and we did.
My moon time, which funny enough always happens on the full moon, is MY week. I go inwards, retreat from the world. I breathe through it. I hold my womb with loving hands and imagine the area swathed in a golden or pink light. At 17 years old, I was a late bloomer. When it happened, my mother gave me a glass of champagne and toasted to my future as a woman. I used to loathe my period. I have menorrhagia (heavy), it was awkward. And the world taught me to not look forward to it. But now I am grateful for it. Yep I get tired, and need a little more sleep, a lot of iron rich food and my hot water bottle. But the gift of growing a child is worth all of it. And most women in the western world have an amazing set of tools to help deal with it, so it’s hard to complain really.
I recently swapped my tampons and pads for a more natural approach. You can read about it on my blog. My body feels so much better for it!
The way you speak is like pure romance.
Such an inspiration x
I have been diving so much more into what it is to be a woman or a carrier of feminine energy on the earth of late. Of how much we are designed to co-operate, come together, nurture, talk. How we understand our emotions by expressing them somehow and including others. To be a woman is just amazing. I feel blessed that my cycle has never given me much grief, every time I begin my period I always have a silent moment and say: I am so thankful I’m a woman. However, I’ve had the first ever 28 day cycle of my life this month. Which conveniently corresponds with all of my femininity delving. I love it all!
Beautiful, sweet heart xx
I’ve been umm-ing and ahh-ing over how to say this because things often come across as an attack in the online workd when you really don’t mean them to be….but here goes. Let me preface it by saying that I’ve always loved your posts and loved what you do..especially because you’re so uniquely you.
I don’t understand the “I am not a feminist” statement in this post, especially when the rest of the post is about embracing your cycle and your unique femininity.
Feminism is the belief that women are worthy, and vital, and awesome. It’s about equality, and also about recognising that there are still a lot of inequalities in society that place women as second class citizens. I have seen countless powerful women such as yourself say proudly “I am not a feminist” and I just don’t understand it. There seems to be a cringe around feminism these days, like people think that you are automatically labelling yourself as a bra-burning extremist, or that you can’t have men as friends or lovers, or that you can’t care about how you look. None of that is true and it makes me so so sad to see women turning away from what is a very powerful movement that has been supporting women for decades.
You and the strength you have shown in turning your life around to a place of health and vitality while still being vulnerable and unique are a great model for feminism – women who are strong and have the self belief to take their life in their hands and shape it into what THEY want it to be. For what it’s worth, I think that if you think truly about what feminism means you might just change your mind about that statement and say “I am a feminist”.
Hey Kristy.
You’re right. Maybe I have an ‘idea’ in my head around what feminism means. Perhaps that’s why I quickly followed up that statement with: ” I’m actually not even sure what that words means to be honest, so who knows, maybe in fact, I am. What I do know is I’m all for equality. ”
I’m not a label. I didn’t create this post so that I could attach myself to yet another identity – trust me, I’m always trying to let those go.
Just here to inspire, and spread the high vibing juice, and asking my readers to expand.
And I actually really appreciate this babe. Thank you x
Thanks for replying Tara – I get not wanting to be attached to any labels – thanks for being open to an alternative idea around what it means to be a feminist :) Keep on rockin’ the high vibes! x
So glad that you shared this, Kristy. Thank you!
Love, Niamh.
Kristy, I have also been thinking about how to respond to this without sounding critical or judgey, so I’m so glad that you’ve said this! I agree with you 100% as for me feminism is something that should liberate women AND men as well from being trapped in certain roles. Feminism doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate men, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t embrace and explore femininity (whatever it happens to mean to you as an individual). Terms like femininity and yes, feminism, are such personal things and everyone’s story and experience as a man, woman and human is so different. I just found it surprising that you wouldn’t want to identify as a feminist.
If you’re a woman, and you want control over your body, and the space and freedom to express that (which to me is what this piece is about…) then to me least, the feminist movement is integral. Think about all the women in parts of the world where menstruation and childbirth have been seen as dirty and taboo, and where they’re segregated and looked down on for being unclean. And women who suffer from fistulas and other complications resulting from childbirth, who are totally ostracised from their communities as a consequence. The fact that we are in a position where we can say, hey, having my period isn’t so bad, because culturally it’s become more acceptable where I live, and I have access to tampons and pads (as opposed to a dirty rag that I have to wash in shame), is a result of the feminist movement.
I respect the desire not to be associated with labels (especially if, as you say Tara you have been fighting to let certain labels go). However, I think it’s very important to realise that we are in a privileged place to be able to have these discussions about menstruation, and to express our bodily autonomy in such a way, and we have the feminism to thank for that.
This has got absolutely nothing to do with labels. Why do I need to place a label upon myself to celebrate my body, and femininity? Again, I’ll point out the sentence in which I said – ‘to be honest……. so maybe in fact, I am.’
This comment has taken the wind out of me to be honest. I think this post has obviously triggered something in you that goes far beyond my message (baring in mind, there’s only so much message I can cover in 1000 words).
Yes, we are ‘privileged’, or ‘fortunate’, or ‘blessed’ – however you wish to say it – that is WHY we need to have these conversations. Us (the privileged ones) need to reconnect back with our bodies.
I understand the feminists of days gone by have played a crucial role in equality, but I also believe this is an energetic rise of feminine ENERGY as a whole. It’s evolution. We’ve ALL got a role to play, and we don’t have to call ourselves feminists to embrace the menstrual cycle/the Goddess/femininity.
A huge theme of 2013 for me has been devoted to reconnecting with my femininity.
I’m all for Girl Power.
It has been DIFFICULT for me to step away from 26 years of being a tomboy, but the effort is worth it, because I’m starting to feel more whole than ever.
But you will never hear me say: ‘I’m Tara, and I’m a feminist.’
It’s difficult enough to say ‘I’m Tara, and I’m a life coach.’
Labels make me go BLEEUURRGH
Impeccable timing as always babe. I just got back from a Doctors appointment about my “missing periods” and after 8 months of not menstruating, I would throw a HUGE period party if “that time of the month” decided to stop on by. I cringe thinking about all the times I skipped it because it wasn’t convenient timing for me. Now, I’m hanging out for it! Great post x
Oh sweetie! Let me know when it’s time and I’ll throw you a period party, too.
Love u x
Hi Claire!
I didn’t have my period for 8 months once (they’d been regular my whole life before but I was overseas at the time) and then I went to an acupuncturist. After 5 weekly treatments plus herbs I got it back! I’d recommend this a hundred times over. The acupuncturists I’ve been to always take the time to really listen and ask all sorts of questions – I think this is what helps too.
Good luck xx
Interesting! I had an appointment with my GP this morning, and she asked me why I don’t take the pill anymore, told me that I am living dangerously and will probably end up pregnant if I’m not careful. She actually made me feel inadequate for a second and I felt a moment of weakness “am I doing the right thing? But I know I am, and I know how to tune into my body and am confident I will only get pregnant when I wish to. Its sad that even our female GP’s aren’t encouraging women to listen to their bodies. Perfectly timed article as always.
Thanks xx
Oh Jem. I find myself with clenching teeth as I’m reading this.
Something in my belly says ‘this is very, very, very wrong.’
Follow your truth sweet girl x
The menstrual cycle represents life and power to me. It gives rise to life. It’s creative. It flows. It’s ever-changing, chaotic, natural as breathing. It’s the shedding of the old to make way for pure potentiality.
I didn’t have a period for 18 months after chronic stress and the Pill and when it reappeared this year on the day of my cousin’s wedding, I told all my female relatives and some unwilling males who insisted on knowing what the big deal was and literally had a period party. I spent all night being so grateful and feeling so blessed. I danced and sang and laughed and the girls all said how they wished they felt so good when they got theirs.
It’s an opportunity for healing. I feel like each month I get another chance to heal my resistance to the divine feminine and step into my power. Especially this month. Holy mother, I am seeing some growth, power and healing this month. I feel blessed to be on this feminine journey. We are all blessed. And I’m so grateful to be part of the beautiful and powerful collective.
Far out Ems, those words just went WWHHOOOOSHHHH! I felt that lady.
Gorgeous.
Ooooh, wow- what an amazing post my lovely! I’ve noticed that I’ve been embracing the feminine side of me a lot more that I used to. I was always a bit of a tomboy and never really warmed to my femininty, but I’ve been called to a hell of a lot lately.
I’m really enjoying connecting with more women in my life and this has also called for me to examine my relationship with that time of the month. I used to absolutely detest it, but now I know it’s my body’s way of ensuring that I connect back with my feminine side and that I’m allowed to retreat and go inwards during this time. I also find that at a time when my hormones should be all over the place, I’m actually at my calmest and have vibrant moment of startling clarity. It can be a beautiful time if we see it as a time for renewal rather than as something we have to put up with.
Yep, we’re pretty frickin’ awesome! xxx
To me it represents connection and release all at once. Thanks so much for this post, Tara! So appreciate your openness as well as that shown by all of the amazing women in the comments. A quick note, following from some of the other ladies above, feminism is simply about equality. Nothing more or less.
Love,
Niamh
I have never felt prouder to be a women than after reading this post! We are truly awesome!
I felt that in my teenage years my femininity was suppressed, this coinciding with the use of the pill and frequently skipping periods. The gift of the women’s cycle was not celebrated but frowned upon for getting in the way of life! A highly toxic body also made menstruation extremely painful and I fell for the cleverly marketed targeted paracetamol.
Embarking on my healing journey has made a huge difference to the quality of my cycle and my relationship with it. Because of illness i didn’t get my period for 3.5 years. I really missed it can you believe it, and couldn’t wait for it to return. it is a sign of health!! My periods are now finally back and effortless and painfree. I tend to feel like I need to retreat in the week leading up to menstruation and I am extra gentle with myself. Menstruation is a time of intensified physical and emotional cleansing and healing.
It really is a time to be celebrated, to recalibrate, really ground yourself, let go of the old, the toxic in your life and move forward!
Love the celebration of femininity Tara!! Have to say though, feminism isn’t a label in my mind, its a birthright.
I once told my Grandma I wasn’t a feminist because feminists don’t shave under their arms and they don’t like men. I’m not kidding. I was 15, and this comment flowed from silly TV I had been watching. Grandma, who was one of the only dental surgeons in England in the 1950s, took me for a milkshake to explain why my comment might come across as hurtful to women of her generation. To her, feminism was a MUST, not a label you could choose to wear or not. She wanted to be able to have a university education (they let one woman in for every 135 men in 1952) and she wanted the choice about when to have children. Of course feminism is about much much more than that, but these were her two big issues.
Fast forward to today, and feminism in the west may well seem unnecessary. We have it all right? There’s no way things could go back to the way they used to be… Oh except that the abortion debate still rages in the states, we still aren’t paid as much as men, and sexism in the corporate world abounds. When we consider the rest of the world (as Bella did above, and I’m not sure why you were so offended by that comment honey, I don’t think she being harsh?) then the feminist movement has a hell of a way to go, clearly.
Sorry for the lengthy comment, I just wanted to add my thoughts – feminism isn’t a label for me any more, it’s a birthright, and a responsibility I have for future generations of women. I am proudly feminist, proudly fierce.
Interesting reading the other lovely comments here – our cycles really do play such a big part in our creative lives!! For me the few days before and first couple days of are angsty and frustrating. Week one/two is immensely creative time for me though, when I can get lots done and am full of beans :)
Thanks for sparking such an important discussion Tara!! xx
How fitting that I’ve just caught up on this on ‘day 1’ of a very late cycle this month.
I love that you’re bringing this out for sharing and airing.
Sooo relate, especially to ‘Do you begrudge your period? … or Bleeding At A Time That Didn’t Suit Me.’ – yes! And still to this day often, even if as just a whisper in my head, despite beginning to unravel the beauty, the sacred and the soulful that is wrapped up in this purely feminine ritual.
One thing I do really enjoy now is day one and two where cramps feature heavily, and my whole body and energy system slows right down. I appreciate slipping into a state of non-resistance that the pain brings about. It’s like permission to ‘let go’ for a while.
About a year ago I stumbled upon the beautiful book, Moon Mysteries by Nao Sims and Nikiah Seeds which you might also love; it’s inspired and and soothing and precious and wise.
Blessed and grateful that we live in a time where heart-and-soul-wisdom is blooming again within what has often been ‘spiritually bereft’ territory (void of heart and depth), and treated as a transactional, purely physical inevitability.
Another huge thank you for your deep and ever-present honesty Tara – opening spaces for authenticity and connection to emerge through your own generous helpings of those!
xox
As much as I dislike my period, I’m looking for ways to actually tune in to my cycle and celebrate being a woman. I am delving into Spirited right now and have been researching all the books mentioned and Red Moon piqued my interest. I’m late to comment but I just wanted to say, thank you Tara.