Warning: this post was born with tears. I can’t guarantee that you’ll leave from here without mascara streaked cheeks. Consider this your friendly warning.
I’ve come to realise that I’m a Do as I do kinda girl, as opposed to Do as I say. I think that’s why I’ve gravitated towards coaching and self-empowerment, because I believe I’ve got value to give and share, and often whatever information I turn over to my peers, family and clients is what I need to listen to most. In fact, often I’ll come away from a conversation thinking It’s probably time that you did that too, Ta’s. I’m paraphrasing here, but recently Mastin Kipp said something along the lines of ‘that’s why coaches and mentors are so screwed up- because the person they need to teach the most, is themselves‘.
I, Tara Bliss, am one screwed up, inside out, pretzeled-up chick. This post was written to prove that behind the advice and the how to’s and the lessons, there’s a real life, human girl, who often comes face to face with her own fears and insecurities. What perhaps sets me apart from the majority, is that in even in those moments- I’m hastily scrambling for the advice and the how-to’s and the lessons.
What are you afraid of? I believe we’ve evolved to live in a constant state a fear (albeit it’s an evolution that can be completely reversed with a fraction of intention). I also believe that while living in this state of fear and doubt, we rarely identify and confront ourselves with what our specific fears are! Let’s change this. Let’s purge. This idea is simple, yet profound. Just as I’m an advocate of declaring your dreams, so to am I of identifying the thickness and heaviness in your life.
Lovely, what is it that you’re afraid of?
I’ll go first.
1. I worry that I won’t be taken seriously because I’m only 25.
2. That the money won’t arrive for me on time. That I’ll feel suffocated by debt.
3. That my radical new path of living in-spirit isn’t perfectly aligned with my husband’s path.
4. That people will mistake my enthusiasm for cockiness.
5. That people I love will mistreat me and take me for granted.
6. That people will resist paying for my time, energy and services.
7. Sometimes I have impostor complex- like I should be accredited or have some type of qualification to be in business.
8. I worry that my family thinks I’ve totally lost the plot.
9. In private, uncomfortable moments, I still often turn to food for support.
10. I’m afraid for the people I love- for their health and their spirit. I worry about their addictions, the way they abuse themselves and their general attitude towards life.
11. I’m afraid to gain wait.
12. I have nightmares about cigarettes prematurely ripping Glen from my clutches.
13. I regularly don’t show my dreams the respect they deserve, often referring to myself as reckless and foolish.
14. I ponder whether growing up this fast has left me without a sense of humour.
15. I’m kinda socially retarded.
Okay, now that wasn’t easy. But when we declare our fears, we have an opportunity to overcome them. We’ve strategically discovered what causes our spirits to contract in difficult moments.
The bittersweet between my teeth. Trying to find the in between. Fall back in love eventually.
Feel that grit, that clenched jaw. Taste the salt in your tears. Find the in between. Look for the lesson. Look AT the lesson. And then, come back to love. Fall back into it.
Do this:
But whatever you do. Gently nurture yourself back to love.
Circle back to this post I wrote earlier in the week, and celebrate your super powers. Need to shower yourself in more of an intense blanket of love? Declare a day of healing.
I can’t wait to hear your beautiful truth in the comments below, beautiful. Go for it. And please, share this post with your girlfriends.
Side note: Currently my email coaching is SOLD OUT- but watch this space. In the coming months, I’m developing a more premium, more interactive coaching package for three lucky ladies.
Photo sources: 1, 2
I worry that I won’t be taken seriously because I am older (44) and will be seen as out of touch with life. I worry constantly about debt and losing e v e r y t h I n g. I worry about my husband who sacrifices everything for me and our girls and works so hard to try and make ends meet. I worry about my girls and how life will be for them. But… In spite of these fears I know, deep down, that life loves me, that nothing happens by chance and that I have the knowledge and skills to become my most radiant self.
Tara, you are so beautiful (inside and out) and are so very blessed to have the wisdom you have at your age and the courage to live the life of your dreams. xx
Hey Tara!
So sorry you’ve been feeling a little anxious and overwhelmed. Hopefully getting it all out and clearing your head has helped make way for new energy and positivity to rush back in :)
I really do think everyone struggles with similar worries, fears and anxiety. The fact that you can share this so openly and allow yourself to be vulnerable like this shows why you’ll make a beautiful coach. Have you seen Brene Brown’s Ted video on vulnerability? Its awesome, check it out if you haven’t :)
As for me… I’m afraid that I’ve left behind a stable career path to follow something that won’t make me successful in the traditional sense of that word (money, status etc). I’m afraid I’ll fail at teaching yoga and writing about it, and this will hurt more than failing at anything else because I truly truly love this and want this. I’m afraid that my husband’s disease will come back worse than ever and shake our lives again. I’m afraid that I won’t have time to do all the crazy amazing fun things I want to do with this one little life. I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously as a yoga teacher because I can’t do headstand or bridge pose (seriously. bad. shoulders) and I’m only 26 (I smiled when I read yours, totally sympathise!). I’m afraid I come across as aloof and a bit of a weirdo, not quite fitting in with the in crowd, but too boring for the alternative set too.
Wow, more revealing than I expected. Interesting what comes up and flows out when you get started!
Lots of love and a big virtual hug!
Xo
Emily..just wanted to reach out and say I am on the same yogic boat! Themmore I immerse myself in what I love, the more amazing teachers I am being exposed to. One of whom is so beautiful and so amazing….but cant touch her toes or sit cross legged because she is so tight through her hips….it gave me hope and also humbled me. She’s such an amazing teacher and I will always always be a student but it just confirmed for me, it is called yoga practise for a reason and we are exactly where we are meant to be in each pose. Nailing it one day and then not being able to get anywhere it for the next three is part of the play…play as gently with yourself as you will your students :) :)
I love this!! I’m social awkward too!! You’re right! I love my few good friends and I’ll take them over a party of shallow conversation any day!! Great blog!
Tara I love this! At this moment I can definitely identify with your fear #3- Mine and my partners paths not being aligned.
You are very brave and i admire that :)
xx
Oh Tara… I am overwhelmed with gratitude for you writing this post and the complete rawness of it all and baring your heart and your soul. I’ve always held off writing such personal things on my blog because of how I am afraid of how I will be perceived and what my parents will think (silly to assume they are even reading everything I write, but hey – my fears seems as real as anyone’s). I also felt at some stage in my life that if I wasn’t perfect and I admitted it, then I would be seen as a fraud and no one would ever want to work with me for coaching, as this is how I felt towards others. This is so not true and I thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for allowing me the space to virtually scream into my pillow. I have never told anyone these worries of mine, not even my best friend – my hubby. This sort of stuff is usually reserved for my journal. So, here goes. For the first time in my life. My worries:
I worry …
– That my severe writer’s block may never be lifted and I will forever be paralysed from moving people to the tears I so often move myself to.
– That my incredible husband will have a relapse of MS, his entire body will go numb and he will end up in the wheelchair his neurologist assured him was his future.
– That the love of my life, my rock, my heart… my beautiful amazing husband will suddenly not be around anymore for whatever reason and I would not want to exist on this earth anymore.
– That my deep desire to travel the world and be free of debt will take over my life to the point I will be forced to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for and Curtis and I will end up on the street.
– I will never be able to help anyone change their life and that my coaching practice will never get off the ground.
– I will never be taken seriously as a coach because I don’t have much life experience, I down days, and I often go against my own advice so I will be seen as a fraud.
– That I appear to be flitty and scattered because I can’t commit to a project and I rarely see anything out.
– That I will be stuck in this soul-stealing, heart-breaking, dreams-crushing, gold-handcuffing “job” for the rest of my life because I’m too afraid to take a leap of faith.
– That the 25kgs I lost all those years ago will creep ever so quickly back into my life because I eat when I’m emotional and I’ve been emotional LOTS lately.
– That I am making the wrong decision every single day of my life.
– That I will never finish any of the projects/books/programs I’ve started and am so desperate to finish for fear of judgement or that no one wants to attend/purchase/learn from me – or because I get bored easy.
– That my desire to be alone or only with Curtis so often will mean that I never find my group of soul sisters that understand and accept me for who I am – that I will lose every friend I have in this world.
– About having kids one day and then at the same time, I worry about the fact that I do not want kids… ever, but that I should because I am nearly 28.
– That I will feel trapped for the rest of my life because of my two beautiful dogs and mortgage.
– That I’m too young to be taken seriously and too old to make any life changes.
– That I will turn out like my parents and live a seriously mundane life I could never be proud of.
– That I will always be living in the shadow of everyone else out there doing the same thing as me.
– About failing in absolutely everything that I do.
– That there isn’t enough money/clients/love/hope/support in the world and that somehow God will forget about me.
– That I will never be happy.
Well, that’s me. Raw as ever.
Tara, you are an incredible chick – ABSOLUTELY incredible! Thank you for your beautiful blog. I adore everything you are doing. You inspire the hell out of me. Sending you a ton of love and support from afar.
Love, Candice xxx
Candice my beautiful soul sister…you can scratch the fear of not helping people change their life off your list ….. You have most definitely changed mine!!!
It’s comforting to know we all have fears (and some are more common than i imagined! ) we are all human but we are all walking this topsy turvey path together… :)
I worry that i will have the same messed up, untrusting, relationship i have with my mother, with my children.My daughter especially. No matter how hard i try.
I have panic attacks about harm coming to my kids and i cant reach them and they’re screaming for me.
I worry that i focus too much (if that is possible?) on my kids and not enough on my marriage.
that i’m not doing enough to nourish myself.
that my husband doesnt agree with my gentle parenting
that i look in the mirror and hate everything about my body
Tara, I connect with this so much. So many of the fears you listed are my fears too.
I’m afraid of running into people I used to know in case I turn into the person I used to be when I see them.
I’m afraid of people not taking me seriosuly because I believe in the power of positive thinking, affirmations, crystals, tarot cards, tie-dye, law of attraction and the Universe.
I’m afraid that I’ll end up like my mother + all the women in her family, alone or in toxic relationships, always scrambling for money, and thinking the world is unfair.
I’ll tell you something, though. While writing this list, I was thinking of all the things that have scared me for so long. And I realised that some of things, some of which terrified me only just a few weeks ago, just don’t scare me anymore.
I was afraid I would never find my tribe, women who understood my authentic, empathic, spiritual, hippie self. I was afraid I would spend my life having to spend my time with friends I’m only friends with because I’ve known them so long, people who have nothing in common with me, people who would rather get angry at the world and shout at the television set than be inspired to do something about it. People who count the hours until their next booze-up. People who roll their eyes at people like me. But I’m not afraid of that anymore. I’ve found my true tribe.
Wow. I barely even recognise this woman I’m becoming. It’s amazing.
Here’s to ugly crys and loving our darkness :)
Beautiful post Tara and I agree, many of those on your list are ones that I could have written about myself, especially #15! Thank you for sharing and being so brave x
I am afraid…
That my dream to coach people about life may not help them because of my age.
That what I write will not be taken seriously because I am still young and always learning + growing.
That my holistic health coaching packages will not be of use to the people I coach.
That I am not qualified to health coach because my eating practice can still be imperfect, and at times I, as well, turn to food for comfort.
That my friends and family will not understand the path I am embarking on right now – a spiritual path, a return to love.
I worry that my time here is limited, that I won’t have enought time to do what I want to do and make a positive change in this world.
I fear that I won’t be able to sustain myself through my own business.
I fear that I don’t connect well with people because I am socially awkward as well. I take time to warm up to people, and I’m afraid people will have already formed certain impressions before they have had the chance to really know me for who I am.
***
I trust that the Universe conspires on my behalf, that I am on my path and speaking my authentic truth, that I am experiencing a beautiful experience of spiritual awakening, that those relationships that no longer serve me will leave for the greater good.
I trust that I am being guided and that money flows to me easily as I am giving out love and generosity into this world. That I myself will be well, when my intention is for others to be well.
Thank you for bearing your deepest darkest fear and your soul on the blog this morning, Tara.
Love + Light,
Jia Ni
How amazing is it to be so vulnerable? That is what you have done. Thank you for sharing your deepest fears and how you are going to overcome them. You are inspirational… xx
Reena
http://www.mantrawild.com.au
I love this post! Perfect and especially your comment on using the F word a lot! I do that more than ever now :)
I’ve learned to let go of a lot of fear or face the fear and do it anyway. But of course I do have fears, I just try not to think about them too much.
But here are some:
–I’m a writer and I fear public speaking. My voice shakes and I go bright red and feel like a complete dick!
–I’m passionate about a lot of things and fear that I ramble and will be judged for it.
–That I won’t get all the things done that I want to achieve in my lifetime.
–That I’m too old to find love again since my partner walked out after 21 years together.
–That I will die with unfulfilled dreams.
That’s enough :) Thx lovely – adore your blog X
Tara, i simply love this post, and i love you. your authenticity, transparency and beautiful way with words continues to knock my socks off.
It is so comforting to read this post as i have been coming face to face with my deepest and darkest fears lately. they are coming to the surface thick and fast and I am having to work hard to not get sucked in to their drama.
I have actually been having feelings that it is only me who grapples with big fears that can be almost paralysing (i know I am not, but sometimes it feels that way). I guess when we are in the role of teaching others, there is sometimes an expectation that we have our whole life sorted. But sometimes i feel quite far from that, and it is really refreshing to see someone admit their fears so openly and candidly.
I have been praying for help through this challenging time and I have been receiving a very clear answer – I am being called loud and clear to heal and transform these fears. To transcend them. I must walk my talk and do the work so that I can teach others how to do so and also serve them in a much greater way.
thank you for giving me exactly what I needed today
Connie xxx
I’ve been wanting to comment all day sweetheart and work got in the way – but I’m finally here.
Firstly, thank you for your courage, your open-heart, your deep soul-baring honey. You’ve created this warm space to give us more “you” and to connect deeply, and the fact that we all feel safe here swimming in our vulnerability and rawness is testament to just how amazing a job you’re doing building your tribe. Fears + truths can be set free here without judgement and that’s a beautiful thing. Deepest gratitude.
I just went and had my shoulder and neck sprain worked on (pummelled?) – the physical manifestation of ‘carrying the world on my shoulders’ – and the whole time I was thinking about the things I worry about or push down so I could come and release them here.
– I worry that I’ll be ‘found out’ at work – that they’ll realise, if they haven’t already, that I’ve never cared much for my job or climbing the corporate ladder, and that the past 4 years have simply been a filler until I worked out my ‘real purpose.’
– I worry that when I do take the leap, I’ll feel naked and exposed – out there without the safety of full-time work, where I have to make stuff happen on my own.
– I worry that I’ll regret it and miss the ease of working for someone else and clocking off mentally at 5.30pm everyday. It scares me that being so emotionally invested in something (my own business) might bring up all my perfectionist tendencies and I’ll become a workaholic who is unable to relax and enjoy the freedom entrepreneurship brings.
– Like Candice, I worry about something happening to my husband – my best friend, my soul’s light – and who I would be without his guidance and love. That actually scares the shit out of me.
– I worry about my ‘surface’ relationship with my Dad… and how confusing it is that I’m so close to him and so similar to him and enjoy his company so much, yet his lack of emotional connection (to himself and his children) keeps him at arms length.
– I’m crying writing this: I worry that he’ll be on his deathbed and we’ll have one of those ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there more’ conversations and it’ll be too late.
(continued!!)
– I worry about speaking in front of groups of people and being judged for being nervous, for not “rocking the mic,” for not being articulate enough. I worry about being that person my colleagues talk about with pity at work events: “Oh she was so nervous, the poor thing, that was bad.”
– I worry that life is going too fast and that I won’t get to do everything I dream of.
– I worry about living a boring existence. Of looking back when I’m 70 and wishing I worked less and explored more.
– I worry about “when” we’ll do the having children thing because I’ve been waiting for the maternal longings to kick in… and they haven’t. I’m nearly 30 and I can’t wait forever but I feel like I’m JUST getting started with where I’m meant to be, and I’m afraid having kids will take me off that path and it will be an unfulfilled dream.
– I worry sometimes that all this fast-paced, high-energy living might manifest itself into some kind of sickness in my life. I’m scared of screwing my body up – like my Mum.
– I worry that my husband won’t find another job as financially rewarding as the one he currently has (his contract is finishing at end of the year) and that we’ll go backwards or have to make sacrifices. I don’t want to go from comfortable to worrying about money.. like my parents have for most of my life.
– and this is probably the stupidest irrational fear of mine but I want to share it: I worry that, despite having “stuff” in my past, because I don’t have a super dark backstory (recovery from serious illness or an eating disorder/ bouncing back from bankruptcy/ doing something super left-of-centre for years) I don’t have a “story” and that future coaching clients will feel like they can’t relate. I want those future clients to know that modelling positive living is my thing without sounding superficial and experience-less. Because there’s plenty of life experience to draw on, it’s just not my ‘story.’ It feels like such a weird thing to say that but I think the internet celebrates that back from adversity story. I want people to know I go deep, I get vulnerable, I have fears… I just choose magic over all of it.
Love you my gorgeous friend, thank you for inspiring me endlessly.
Rach xx
Omg Rach. Wow.
Deep breath. Here is my list…
– That I will never ever actually turn the dreams in to my head in to realities and they will forever lay dormant inside of me because I was too scared to do anything about them
– That I am a fraud and although I know alot of stuff and I can share alot of personal experiences, and I not really the type of person that people would take advice from
– That I will forever be struggling financially in the attempt to follow my bliss and that I can’t actually make money doing what I love
– That I will never make anything of myself and I will continue to try and try and try but nothing will ever eventuate from it
– That my boyfriend will eventually fall out of love with me
– That I will never overcome the fear I have of ‘being seen’ (this is a big one for me) and I will continually hide in the shadows and play small
– That no one will like what i do. No one will buy the stuff I create. No one will pay for my services.
– That my boyfriend will never be ‘ready’ to do all the things I want to do. He is 4 years younger and is so far away from being ready to move in together, or even talk about a possible future together. I worry he will never be ready and then I will be in my thirties and still waiting for him..
– That I will never overcome my self-consciousness. That I will always feel awkward about being the centre of attention and about getting up in front of people and speaking. That I will continue to let my absolute fear of public speaking stop me from spreading my message
– That I will never find the courage to quit my day job and work for myself
– That if I do quit my day job I will lose my ‘identity’ and be worthless
– That I will never ever be truly satisfied, deeply fulfilled and completely happy with my life
It feels amazing to admit that. I think I sometimes try to suppress these and deny them, but it feels damn good to acknowledge them
xxx
This post is seriously slamming! I was reading through your list of fears and thinking jeez! that’s totally me too. You’ve hit the nail on the head perfectly. Fears are only problems if we perceive them to be. I love the idea of grabbing them by the balls, retwisting and rewording so that they inevitably show our light and not our darkness. Can’t say how much I loved this post. Beautiful stuff. Jenn xx
Tara, this is the third time I’ve read this post today. It’s taken me a while to bring myself to commenting. You are a godsend. Your life purpose is screaming loud and clear and your tribe is responding. Girl you have the ability to change a life in just one post. Your making magic, my heart smiles when I think of you. I’m so glad I’ve come to know the beautiful person that you are. Your wisdom, positivity & rawness touch the deepest parts of my soul. Thank you for encouraging both weakness & bravery they’re both so vital to understanding ourselves. Yep here come the tears…
-I’m scared of sharing my fears, right now.
-I’m fear that I’ll never be able to make “enough” money doing what I love, following my dreams
-I fear that I wont fall pregnant and that I’ll let this fear consume me
-I’m a little scared that my husband will find me less attractive, now that I’ve had to gain weight to reach my healthy fertile weight
-I worry that there is not enough time in the day to accomplish tasks
-I’m scared of the damage we’re inflicting on our planet on a daily basis
-I worry that I don’t have it in me to actually positively effect & profoundly change the lives of others
– I’m scared that people may think I’m a phoney, full of shit and lacking credit & that no one will pay for my services
-I worry that my multi passionate personality will send me crazy and that I’ll never find my purpose (even though I believe I have)
-Public speaking scares the crap out of me
-I’m fearful of my sometime negative thoughts & responses to situations. Does this mean I’m not a good of a person as I think I am?
– I’m scared that I wont make the most our of every moment in this life, I’m fearful of regret
-I worry that my sister will live a life of sadness in a toxic, heartbreaking relationship
-I’m scared of the possibility that something bad could happen to Nathan, my dog, my loved ones
-I worry that I won’t be able to afford to travel the world
-I’m scared my writing isn’t as up to scratch as everybody elses
– I worry that this is all pointless. I worry that I’ll leave this world wishing I’d chilled the f**k out instead of push, push, pushing!
– And I’m fearful because I know I have more fears than what I’ve written
LOVE YOUXXX
oh my! different yet all the same, I relate to every one of these fears. and yet, slowly but surely voicing them to other wonderful chicks + knowing we all share the same doubt and insecurities, reminds me I am not alone. Tara, you are one amazing chickadee xx
I’m terrified.
That I’m spending all of my time, money and energy on trying to fly and that I’ll never be good enough.
That even if I become a great pilot, I will never get a job because I am too short and a woman.
That I will be married with children and hate it.
That I will never get married or have children.
That the money problems I have now will continue for my whole life and I’ll end up like my parents.
That I’m 19 and I have money problems!
I live in fear everyday that I will only do what is expected of me and not what I need to do for myself. My priorities are so out of whack it’s not funny.
I’ve been following your blog since last year, originally for the food, but lately have been inspired by your insane hunger for life and love watching how you are growing and changing. You’re such an inspiration.
I feel so lucky to have spent time with you last year and to have witnessed such magic between you and Glen.
I look forward to every post.
-Emily xx
WOW Tara..can you see what you have done here…this is AMAZING…by sharing your vunerability you have helped others share their own fears…you know how hard it is to have women admit these things that alone shout them out loud. Girl you and all these other girls are part of the soul tribe the one you are all creating and all fears aside you will all be successfull…based on success as your definition not someone elses! i applaud you babe this post is rocking!
Hi Tara,
I know I emailed you yesterday after reading this post but I wanted to declare my fears to in this sacred space you have created. I have been crying reading everyone’s comments, you are all so beautiful- we are all one of the same. Sending you all so much love xxx
Ok here go’s…
+ I am scared that my life has been a complete failure, that I have not listened to the guidance that has come my way.
+ I fear that I am a failure and that no one truly see’s who I am.
+ I am scared that no one actually reads my blog, that it isn’t inspiring and that I will never find my tribe.
+ I fear that all this hard work, pressure and stress I am putting myself through to do my degree is all a waste of time, I will never truly help people, no one will ever want to work with me and my business will be a complete and utter failure.
+ I feel that my persuits of happiness will send myself and my husband broke.
+ I fear that my depression will come back and I will never live a happy, passionate, inspirational life.
+ I fear that I will continue to put on weight and that I will never truly love myself.
+ I fear that my Dad doesn’t really love me or know how to and that he will die being miserable and never truly know how wonderful he is as he never lets any of us in.
+ i fear that my fear will always rule me.
+ I fear that I am manifesting sickness in my body with all of the stress I put myself through emotionally and physically.
+ I fear that people will call me out as a fraud.
+ I fear that I will never truly have the confidence to follow these amazing ideas and passions that I have, that I will be an old woman with regrets wishing I had just taken the leap and put myself out there.
+ I fear that everyone will stare at me, laugh, whisper when I put myself out there or fail.
+ I fear that I never should’ve got married as I will never make him truly happy and that he deserves someone better than me.
+ I fear that my heart will break and I won’t be able to go on if anything ever happens to my husband.
+ I fear that we are destined to living a boring life for the rest of our lives due to having a mortgage and 2 dogs and all I want to do is travel the world, meet amazing people and help heal the world by changing people’s lives.
+ I fear that we won’t have children (even though I don’t want them yet) I will regret it.
+ I fear that when we finally decide to have children we won’t be able to.
+ I fear that something will happen to my mum (my best friend)and I don’t know how I will go on without her love, acceptance and advice.
Ok I think I will stop there! Thank you again for creating this sacred space. So much love to you darling xxx
Morning Sissy,
i thought I’d put my own fears in print too. Great post!
My fears are:
That I am the same sort of mother as my Mother, even though I never thought I was
That by allowing my children to ‘live their lives’ and not ‘micro manage’ them, I may have appeared distant and uncaring
That I couldn’t see my children’s needs because of my depression and anxiety and none existent self worth
That I have never NEVER felt worthy
That I have never NEVER felt truly loved (until my 40’s)
That I have always felt judged in everything I do
That even when I did something well, there was always a BUT…
I have to listen to others opinions, thoughts, beliefs and ideals but get criticised for mine
That I am always being told what to do even by people whose right it is not
That I have always been a creative, spiritual person but this has been dismissed as a ‘hobby’
That I can never make an income from my creativity
That I have lost connection with my music, song writing and performing
That I am far too emotional and sensitive and don’t know how to deal with this
That I will always be judged for my mistakes but must always forgive others for theirs
That even though there are 2 sides to every story, mine doesn’t matter
My little boy will have the hardest, toughest life and I can’t make it easier for him or take his pain for him
That my children don’t love me the way that I love them
That I will die soon without those closest to me knowing who much I love them and honour them
Sassy Mumma xxx
I was going to email this to you Tara because, get this, I thought no-one else would be interested in what I had to say – ha! Boom, number one fear RIGHT THERE!! So I’mma sharin’ it here instead as a ‘stick my tongue out at you fear’ declaration.
Others are:
– That I’ll always be comparing myself to others
– That my parents will never find financial security and happiness again
– That my husband and I will never be wealthy (our version of wealth anyway)
– That there seem to be so many gorgeous women out there at the moment going down the health/wellness/coaching path who are already blogging, making connections, studying that I have ‘missed the boat’ and won’t be able to attract any clients when I do start a business
– That I will spend time and money on going down this path, fuck it up and end up worse than I started
– Of what my life would be like without my husband
– Of making the wrong decision about having/not having kids and regretting it (SAME RACH! So not maternal yet, nearly 30, don’t even wanna consider it yet)
– Afraid that my skin will be doomed to spotty hell forever
– And circling back to my number one…that if I started a blog or business no-one would be interested, and that I am just not interesting enough.
This is really empowering Ta’s – if I had to use one word to describe how I have found being coached by you (and this blog) that is the word I would use. Love! xx
Holy moly lady…
I was going to comment yesterday when you posted this, but I freaked out about putting it all out there. But I remembered how good it felt when I posted my dreams post, and I know that just facing this shit head on & learning to respect the fear is how you overcome these things.
(Once I’ve done this I’m gonna do a list of my affirmations too..)
So here goes;
– That I’ll never get to where I want to be, because sometimes I don’t have the determination that I need to get there, and I lose my motivation at times.
– That when I put myself out there 1000%, and tell people how I feel about them, that they won’t feel the same way and I’ll have fucked up that relationship forever.
– That I’ll never feel true love with someone that I know feels the same way about me, and that I’ll always be the one that falls into it head over heels and gets hurt at the end of it.
– That I’ll never be able to live comfortably, and I’ll always be worrying about money, either consciously, or sub consciously, and my mind will never be at rest about it.
– That I’ll be too scared to do things that really and truly scare the living bejesus out of me. That I’ll overthink them, cop out, and then look back regretting not doing them at the time.
– That I’ll never be able to lose weight that I need to, and this is what will hold me back from being confident enough to do so many things in my life.
– That I’m letting down my clients, and other people that I work with, because I’ve yet to nail the art of time management.
– That I’ve changed so much from who I used to be, that my old friends, and my family won’t ever truly understand what I do and who I am anymore.
Oh man. I feel like I need to go and have some serious one to one nature time to get together now.
Thank you so much for this. You’re amazing.
xxx
Wow Tara, what a powerful exercise putting all of your fears out there, and what an incredible response you received. Thank you to everyone who wrote down their fears above – it is very meaningful to me. OK let’s go, my turn:
– That I won’t get to do what I want to do – none of my dreams or goals will come true because I can’t trust myself to do what it takes to get there without losing motivation or getting scared.
-That I don’t have the sense of self to find out exactly what my soul’s purpose is, so I won’t do anything.
-That there is something useless and wrong with having so many interests and not being able to pick one or two things to focus on and enhance.
– That I will struggle with money forever.
– That I am not worthy of complete love.
– That I won’t ever be able to fall pregnant.
– That being married will be a lot harder than I expect.
– That I will never be able to break the stronghold of disordered eating and learn to truly love myself.
– That I will never feel true health.
– That I am somehow missing out and denying my true nomad adventurer self by having a dog and a husband and a mortgage.
– That I have nothing of worth to offer.
xoxo
OKAY. Here we go. You girls. Seriously. I barely have any words, so I’m just going to dive head first into this, all the while spewing out gargantuan amounts of my love all over the screen.
PS- Ladies with your permission I’d love to compile our vulnerability (and our strengths) into an eBook. Check out my latest video blog. MWA
@Anon: Thank you for sharing your insecurities. I hope you know that with just a fraction of intention, you can transform your fears into myths of the past, just like magic :)
@Jen. Beautiful Jen. let your freak flag fly sister! I’m right there with you, digging deeper and deeper so we continue to get freakier! You’ve found your tribe- you release your message. You are a 25 YEAR OLD magazine creator/editor/designer/artist/entrepreneur my girl! Ugly crying and loving our darkness, indeed. (Love you).
@Michelle 44 is the new 21 ;) You are courageous and vulnerable and strong, THANK YOU for letting us see this part of you. Never be afraid to meet your fears head on and sift through what’s real and what’s a ridiculous projection. In a split second you can turn a fear into a positive affirmation. :)
@Emily Hey lady! THANK you for directing me to that Ted Talk. SO awesome. I loved her- she rocks! Thanks for everything you said babe. I have absolutely no doubt that your career will be fulfilling and prosperous- as long as you believe it will! There’s enough customers out there for everyone, and you’ll attract whoever you need. Thank you also for your constant contact on this blog. I appreciate you x
@Aww Snap! Haha, great name! I can laugh at myself and call myself socially awkward, but in truth I know that I’ve just evolved out of a certain lifestyle. I bet you have to. Get girls like you and me 1:1 and we’re a force to be reckoned with, sister! x Thanks for dropping by!
@Tash: You’re so welcome babe, I’m so happy that this post and the thread that followed inspired you :)
@Kavisha: Thank you lovely. Whether your paths are aligned or not, you’re both exactly where you need to be RIGHT NOW. Find comfort in that. Come at your relationship with a child’s mind and bathe in the love. xx
@Jia : You are such a superstar darling, I love you very much and appreciate how much time you dedicate to my part of the online world each and every week, thank you baby cakes. The affirmations you sent through to me today were POWERFUL, and I have 100% faith in you xxx MWA
@Mantra Wild: Ah man! Being vulnerbale is SO good! It’s my favourite! Vulnerable vixnes unite!
@Candice: Hey beautiful.. Ah! My heart just want to jump out of my chest and cover you in love :) NEVER be afraid to be unashamedly YOU Candice. Go from the gut and the heart- and always second the second guessing nature of your head. :) YOU are incredible! Your honestly knocked my socks off. I’d love you to transform those fears into something positive0- and email them to me. Big love you to babe x
@calmamidstchaos: Long live FUCK. Yes. Haha. Babe, thank you for sharing your fears x
@
You are just so freakin’ beautiful! And so are all these other amazing souls <3 <3 <3 This has pierced me right in the soft spot and forced me to pause and consider my own fears.
At the beginning of the year I was so afraid of whether I would be able to truly financially support myself + my kids without a partner or my parents. Every week and every month was such a celebration. And now that I am past the 6 month mark, my worry has shifted from whether or not I can do it TO whether or not I can sustain.
I worry that I don’t have the strength or the stamina to breakthrough this upper limit that I’m currently nudging against.
I worry that motherhood is currently consuming my energy and my time and as a result I feel like my workload is expanding in epic proportions.
I worry that my family dynamics could change in a heartbeat.
I worry that the depth of my transparency will have a bittersweet effect…but I think I’m ready to find out.
XOXO
Whoa just watched your video Tara and read this post and geez it’s powerful stuff. Thanks so much for being so open and honest with us.
Fears… they are such a funny thing that we try to suppress and try not to acknowledge, yet there they are even when we don’t feed them with any energy…
Anyway here goes –
I’m afraid/ I can transform:
That something will happen to the people I love/
The universe works in ways we don’t understand – but good things happen to good people
That my parents won’t be around to share in the important moments in life/
I am so grateful to have been raised in such a loving and supportive family and that I value my parents so much
That something will come between Kris and I to ruin our happily ever after/ Nothing will interfere with love, and anything that comes our way we can handle together
That one day I might regret choosing a career over a family/
We will decide what works for us, and if that is a career and a fabulous life – so be it
That I’m a difficult person to be friends with/
I am worthy of good friendship and offer true friendship in return
That I am so socially awkward I won’t be able to make friends/
A little laughter and some common ground is all it takes – awkwardness never killed anyone!
That not being good enough in my future job will harm people/
I am receiving a fantastic education and will graduate with the skills and abilities to help more than harm
That I am so negative I will never be truly happy/
Despite any lapses in picture perfect positivity, today I am truly happy.
Whoa seriously, what a way to bring some emotions to the surface. Definite tear jerking. Magical stuff girlie!
ps. Can’t wait to get our social awkwardness together when you move to the GC :)
After reading this post yesterday and being AFRAID to publish my fears, it followed me around for the rest of the day until late last night after meditating I grabbed my journal and began free-writing. It threw up some crazy scary stuff. But writing it all down was not only emotional but totally liberating.
My fears are-
~ That I don’t have distintive voice. That somewhere there is someone out there doing & saying things a gazillion times better than I ever could.
~ That I will never really live the life of my dreams. That I’ll be too scared to take the leap and forever live in a space of regret and what-ifs.
~ That I will always care too much about what people think of me. That worrying about the opinions of other people will keep me playing small forever.
~ That I’ll be percieved as a bit bonkers, an airy fairy head in the clouds kind of girl. The relentless dreamer, not the achiever. I fear being judged for admitting I believe in a God and Spirit, for believing in Universal energies and magic.
~ I fear that my ex-fiance has taken away my belief in true love. That I will never find my kindred spirit and forever feel alone.
~ I fear that if I do ever find him that I will have to sacrafice who I really really am to make him happy.
~ I’m afraid that by having children I might feel trapped.
~ That I will always seek and need the approval of my Dad. That I will never feel that what I’m doing is good enough for him. And that despite how hard I try to release it, it will alway be a thorn in my side and I’ll grow to resent him and never have the kind of relationship that I want with him.
~ That I’ll allow fear to rule my life in the way that it has my Mum. I’m afraid that I won’t trust myself and my beliefs enough to stand up to bigger and louder personalities.
~ I’m afraid that abundance will always elude me. That I’ll never make the kind of money that will allow me to follow my dreams or travel the world. That my current situation of struggling month-to-month will always be this way. That I’ll just get by in life.
~ I’m terrified that I’ll never truly find my niche. That creativity will desert me and that I won’t be smart or knowledable enough to write compelling and thought provoking articles.
~ That someone will beat me to it because I’m too scared to make the leap of faith.
~ That fear will dominate my life.
~ That my depression will return.
~ I’m scared that I’m damaging my body with toxic thoughts. That my relationship with my body and my plate will always be at war. That I’ll never know that feeling of complete serenity with how I look and truly love myself.
~ Most of all, I’m truly scared that I’ll never really know who I am. That I’ll get to the end of my life and wished I’m explored and got to know me a little better.
To end, I would just like to say how much I bless and admire all of you fierce, strong and beautiful females. Thank you Tara for allowing us the platform to stand on so that we can all see our light and the light of others. Reading the fears of the women I admire actually makes me feel more connected to them in ways I never thought possible.
Love, Jenn xx
Well Hello Miss Bliss, i have always felt that i can be totally honest with you, as you are very special xxx so i have been reading your blogs for some time now and watching your vlogs, its nice to see your face and hear your voice again.
While i dont totally agree some of your methods, (I hope you dont take this the wrong way but crystals are just not my thing), I want you to know you are inspiring and brilliant, with just a touch of the crazy Miss T i remember and love.
You are very brave to have shared so much of yourself here for everyone to read and judge (come on we all judge without thinking)and i think you will succeed with your now found passion for coaching.
This lovely sweet girl gives the very best advice i can vouch for that from personnal experience, as i have had the pleasure of being her friend all be it for a short while in New Zealand.
You will be glad to know i have begun a healthy new life, no smoking, no drugs, very much less drinking, I am becoming the happy me that i remember.
So here goes with the fear thing……….
i am totaly scared of rejection, i keep people away who should be closer and i push away the closest ones just incase they do it first.
i care too much what people think of me, although this has improved dramatically in recent times.
i am terrified to go back to the UK and visit friends and family incase i become the person i ran away from again.
I dont want to be emotionally stunted like my parents and i have sought help and advice for this very thing, but i am scared its too late for me.
I am terrified i will never find someone to love me as much as i deserve.
.
.
.
.
.
I would love to come visit if youd have me?
soph x miss you miss T
This post blew my mind, made me cry (numerous times) and gave me more clarity. I scroll through here and recognise so many names, I feel so much more connected with you all because of it!
Tara, You have this amazing ability to bring out this ‘all baring vulnerability’ and it is an amazing feeling. I am so so SO glad I have found you.
When you emailed me and asked me to do this, I had been coming to this post and clicking off, too scared to bare all.
So tonight, three visits and one beer later, here goes.
I’m afraid…
• That I have been too lucky with my husband, mother and brother and seeing them battle illness or losing them. It cripples my soul.
• That I will never be good with money, that we will always be living week to week and never have savings, even though we have a good income.
• I climbed the corporate ladder at work and not sure how, that I am not worthy to be there. I read into every action my boss or peers do.
• Being talked about, what would they say?
• The future of my blog, is it really good enough to be published to the world? Could it be just a private diary instead?
• That I will never find my path, constantly changing my mind.
• People don’t take me seriously, writing it off as another ‘phase’ or thinking I am too young, being 25.
• I won’t be good as a graphic designer or photographer, that I will be a failure and end up back at my old day job.
• I don’t live in the ‘now’ enough, I always want to keep moving, growing and evolving and I am missing out on great memories right in front of me.
• I will never truly believe in my own abilities.
• Depression, that all life has thrown at me will come back on my shoulders one day and be too much.
• I wont like motherhood or even get to motherhood.
• I wont get to be the explorer and adventurer seeker my heart so desires to be.
• Being my true self, letting the façade come down. Maybe I wont feel so socially retarded.
• Standing up for my passions of animal welfare without ‘eye rolling’ judgment.
• That I am naïve and only see the best in people and get taken for granted because of it.
• I worry I will become unaffectionate (more so) that I am now, that it will affect my marriage. As I wasn’t brought up to express emotions being only mum and I and not really any other relatives or friends as we travelled a lot.
• The power of my thoughts, that one day they will be overwhelming and destroy my health and happiness
phew! Now to go and write some affirmations and positive spin on my fears.
Xx
Numbers 3, 4, 7 and 14. Wow my love…just wow. Every time I read your posts I am blown away by the commonalities we have. Thank you for sharing, it helps. Love & light xoxoxo
CONTINUED.
@Connie: Hello beautiful. Thank you SO much for joining in- what you said was so tender and honest. I love you equally as much darling, I really do. This is such a surreal experience, because you are one of the women online who I truly admire. That you can spill your heart in front of everyone is amazing. I cannot thank you enough for connecting like this, and I have absolutely no doubt that you’re going to resurface from this darkness brighter than ever. No doubt at all. Centre back in- and indulge in some TLC. We’ll all be here waiting for you when you get back.
@Rachy: I barely even know what to say. You mirror my fears; the core of it, the crust of it everything. Let me tell you this: together we will bumble and fumble with our time on the mic until we truly rock it, together we’ll find calm amidst the chaos and I promise you this in advance, that if I ever notice your daring, compassionate soul speed into overdrive I’ll gently remind you ‘hey Rach. I think we should go on a picnic…’ or ‘hey babe- let’s vent. I’ll bring the wine, you bring the crayons . Let’s sort through the crap’. I know you’ll do the same for me. You are NOT alone. I absolutely fucking adore what you wrote: ” I want people to know I go deep, I get vulnerable, I have fears… I just choose magic over all of it. ” That sums you up sweet heart. You don’t need to have a back log of addiction or abuse or disordered eating. You are living and breathing and marketing the life that every woman wants: one of ease and love and joy. I love you Rach. Like I said before, I feel like I know you SO much more now x
@Tink: Baby girl thanks for bearing your soul. I seriously can’t believe you’re only 22?!?! WOW. I have girl-crushed on you since the second I stumbled upon your website, and I am adoring being the observer of your dream chasing. I wanna hear your fears cures, hit me back girlfriend. Big love.x
@Kylie: Thanks lady! :)
@Em Grace: I’ve never met a girl like you darling. you are the perfect example of beautiful obscurity. I want you to truly revel in your individuality. It’s part of the reason I was so drawn to you- while all the other girls were worried about partying, we’d have in depth conversations of craziness. You are utterly sublime, I mean it. Thanks Em!
@Kirsty: Thanks for your support lady! I never thought this would happen but i’m so happy that everyone feels safe in this place right now. You rock x
@MUMMA BEAR!!! Mumma, I was so happy to see your name show up! I CRIED! I love you so much, and I know I’m loved back, do not doubt that. I forgive you for everything you’ve done to hurt me and I sincerely apologise for anything I’ve ever done to hurt you or not support you. I know now that my fear of expressing myself vocally in front of people stems from not being about to lovingly support your singing when I was little. I’m ready to release that now. I support you in every single one of your creative pursuits. I support you on this new path (because without talking about, you and I both know that you’re on one). You are such a huge reason behind us moving back to QLD. I want to make up for lost time. I love you.x
@Becs: You’re just pretty much the shiznit! I can’t believe how faryou’ve come in the 5 weeks I’ve known you. I ready your email this morning and was like: HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Delicious. Big things for you babe, onward and upward.
@Sian: Did you go and get your one on one time in nature?! I hope so rock star cuz that sounds freaking amazing, and what a brilliant way to make room for inspiration after you’ve publicly declared your fears. I’ll tell you something, it’s nice to see a soft side behind the oh-so-fly-and-totally-rad-kiwi-designer :) Thanks a mil for everything you wrote. I hope feel 100% better dudette. AND don’t forget to email me with your cures. Big Love x
@Alana: Hi beautiful. Are you new around here? Welcome! I hope this gave you some true clarity, thank you so much for participating lovely. Now that you’ve identified your fears, you can transform them and discover the exact affirmations you need to be using in your life. I hope to see you pop up aroundhere again and again. Mwa
@Dani: I’ve expressed my love to your in email.. I adore your bravery and honesty and I know we’ll be friends for a long time. xxxx
@jazzie: welcome to the party beautiful:) I LOVE that you tackled your fear head on and immediately. YUM. Thank you SO much for sharing such personal thought with us honey. I so appreciate your tenderness. Big hugs! x
@JennPostivityPimp: I;m so glad you came back to us and purged your darkness baby girl. Virtual pist pump and cheek kiss for you. Also, it makes me feel so honoured and happy that you found comfort here with these women. Together we make such a good team :)
@SPUD. SPUD!! OMG get over here now (well, not now, but maybe November? Come and stay with me and Glen on the Gold Coast and we can drink tea and laugh and cry. I miss you too pumpkin. Even though I rarely offered my whole personality to you guys when I was NZ, I have this weird feeling that all of you there in Queenstown just ‘get’ what I’m about now. I get lots of support on Facey and it truly makes me happy. I hope you found comfort here darling. LOVE you to bits. Can’t wait to see you x
@Monika- I BLOODY ADORE YOU MON. I’m glad we found each other too. Your emails light me up and I truly believe that you believe in me as much as I believe in you. I can’t wait to witness your journey. xx
@Susana. HELLO! :) YOU are beautiful. The thing I love about you? You throw caution to the wind. You’re like- ‘yep, I’m fucking scared. But you know what? I’m ready to see what happens’. I LOVE IT. You’re an inspiration to me Susana. Truly. Can’t wait to hug and kiss and sit in a circle and drink wine. x
I am only just new to your blog. Wow. This is deep, raw and truly amazing to me. I think a place like this is so special, and the fact that so many of you were able to share such fears and show such vulnerability is really something incredible. So here goes..
I am afraid that I am on the wrong path in life, that I have accepted the daily grind of working to live, when I really feel like I need to make my life so much more meaningful but I don’t know how.
I am afraid that as a teacher I don’t give my students all they need to be successful learners for life, that I don’t give them 110% of which they deserve, that sometimes I am a just babysitting rather than fulfilling my purpose which is to TEACH something.
I am afraid that nothing ‘bad’ has ever happened to me, that my reckless and toxic years partying and ‘burning the candle at both ends’ has something so much more planned for me in my future… Surely someone who has been blessed with so much in life cannot get away scott free for her bad choices.
I am afraid that noone in my fiance’s family has died of old age, none have lived past the age 65 and the dreaded cancer and heart disease is so prevalent. I am afraid we won’t be lucky enough to grow old together.
I am afraid that I have made so many decisions that regard my future just to please my Dad and to be just like him rather than paving my own path.
I am afraid of giving my absolute all toward my friendships. I am afraid that after losing my childhood best friend to a stupid argument it has damaged my will to want to give so much to another person who is not my lover or my family, but just as important. I am afraid I have now shut out so many wonderful people because I am scared to lose it all again.
I am afraid that my fiance and I will grow apart, will be a bad example to our one day children (should we be so lucky) and will never be the way we are now again.
I am afraid to die. I know its our natural progression, but I guess the fear is that I don’t understand life completely and I will somehow let it slip by without knowing why I am here…
Thank you everyone. Now I am afraid to tell my fiance why I am tearing up. Hehe.
xx
Wow, I may be a bit late to join in but here goes
I am afraid that I am 40 and thought I would have it altogether by now, but I am still scared and unsure
I am scared that if I leave permanent employment to work for myself my family will go broke and we won’t be able to afford our mortgage.
I am terrified that by my having my dream of not working in corporate, my husband will get stressed and his autoimmune disease will return and it will be my fault
I am scared my anxiety and lack of confidence will be passed to my daughters
I am scared I am too hard on my eldest daughter
I am scared my husband will find someone more beautiful than me
I am terrified I am not intelligent
I am scared people think I am am stupid
I am scared people in my country aren’t into holistic living like me and noone will want me as their coach
I am terrified that I will coach people and it won’t work and I will be a failure
Phew , once you start it comes spewing out huh!!!
Thank you for sharing gorgeous- now go and turn those fears into beautiful new beliefs! x
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Woweeee! That was massive. Amazing. Beautiful. I am new to this blog and fear picking up new addictions to blogs because there are just too many of you wonderful woman, sharing your passion, following your bliss and opening jyourself up so that complete strangers such as myself feel compelled to respond. Thank you Tara. Thank you thank you and thank you for a new addiction :)
My fears…I have spent the last two weeks contemplating these while supposedly meditating daily on my yoga immersion!
– I fear that I will never grasp the concept of Being here now…like in meditation…I seem to have a knack of scrutinising the past and the future, bypassing my amazing circumstances that is my blessed life, and just Being right here, right now.
– I fear I will accidentally repell my soulmate with my enthusiasm to share everything with that someone more special than even my most special peoples.
– I fear following my own dreams! I am only just coming to terms with the fact that my life is my own to create. But really, my dreams….coming true?? That’s still a work progress but inspiring people such as yourself & the utterly amazing miss Candice are a constant reminder that good shit happens! It really does!
– I fear my parents, if they don’t look after themselves won’t see my grand kids. I hope and I am trying to trust that by leading by example and not ramming my new found love of all things health and welness down their throat they will be inspired to make more changes to their lifestyle and begin to discover just how good they can feel :)
– I fear I will never be able to afford a beautiful property to live the self sufficent lifestyle i yearn for with a beautiful man, children, horses, dogs, chickens, the works by my side…
– I fear other people I hold so dear will stay stuck in their patterns and won’t open up the doorway that I have but I am fast learning that we are all on our own journey and you can’t change anyone. If I asked my friends,l they probably fear that I will stay like this…healthy..drug free and happy!
– I fear that I will never be good at anything…I will always be just ok at most things and never really find my calling. I mean I love so many things…but what’s my dharma.
-I fear that I will always carry the burden of comparing myself to others and using judgement to either beat myself down or prop myself up.
– I fear that I will never realise I don’t need other people’s reassurance that I’m liked or loved or good enough…and that I am my own guru and my own best friend.
– I fear loosing Internet connection and not reading your blog again!!!
gorgeous, you have done so much for so many with your beautiful words, thanks again. :)
WOW! Welcome Erin- you brave, brave girl! Your comment left me misty. I’d love you to email me straight to my inbox with the cures to your fears if that’s okay?
BIG LOVE- (and thank you!)
Tara, this is one of those times where you KNOW things happen for a reason, that there is this awesome, divine power surrounding us, guiding us, flowing through our very being…
I came across your blog yesterday, and let’s just say I could feel the exact position of my heart within my body…
After a very, very emotional healing session, I spent the whole day feeling like I had felt a few years ago… Feeling so totally out of control of my own life, my words and actions seemed like someone else’s… The person I used to be. After feeling, for the very first time in my life, that I was on the right track and that amazing things are about to turn my life around for the better, this feeling of being out of control rocked me, shocked me and scared me… Although, all throughout this pain, I knew it was pain being released, and I was feeling it to show how far I have come, and how much I have grown.
Your open-souled post, and the incredible replies that followed, shone a light on my soul- and showed me how much I have grown since being broken down and broken open.
I’ve realised that one of my greatest fears is trusting in myself… The real, RAW me. I trust SO completely in the universe, and yet when it comes to trusting ME, I crawl back into my little shell and become so much less of who I REALLY am… The me who CAN make a difference- and a huge one at that. The me who CAN live a life of love, with every breath I take. The me who IS worthy of accomplishment and success. The me who forgives those in my life who have hurt me in the past- for they are human, living their lives as they only know how. And in doing so, releasing from my mind, body and soul the damage the past has done, for it is something that has made me the incredibly strong, compassionate human being that I am today. The me who has been placed on this Earth for a reason- to heal, to teach, and to LOVE..
When we totally embrace how much we are loved, and that we are love itself, that is when I believe our life takes on a whole new meaning. Our beautiful wings take flight.
Thank you Tara, for so much more than I think you’ll ever realise. I truly hope your heart and soul absorbed every ounce of love expressed <3 <3 <3
Tameka. You radiant, rockin’ woman. Honey you ARE the Universe. You don’t have to be afraid to trust yourself because you are what you already trust. It sounds like you’re going through some huge changes in your life right now and I’d LOVE to bear witness to it. PLEASE make sure you keep in touch (either in the comments or via email)- you’re destined for some unreal shit sister.
Thank you for your beautiful words. Deeply touched and so grateful to you and everyone else!
Love you x
I fear:
My children dying before me. Could I live through the heartbreak?
Not having enough to live on in my retirement
My husband won’t earn enough money
Phone calls from private numbers
Being judged by others as “not (insert subjective assessment here) enough”
My friends are my friends because they feel sorry for me
I am fatter than I think
My husband doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore
Others are enjoying life more than I do
Not knowing the rules
Going to parties and having to be “on”
I am irrelevant
Being seen as vulnerable, needy or weak
That somewhere along the line I didn’t do the right thing and now I am the poor cousin amongst my friends and family
I am so grateful to have found this blog and this conversation. I spend so much of my day looking at the positives, being grateful that I never allow myself to give life to my fears. “You have so much Fiona” is almost my mantra. It’s exhausting somedays. I’ve also retired from over-achieving and sent my white horse out for a spell in the paddock. Thanks for the opportunity. I look forward to reading your blog regularly. Fxx
Oh gosh, you weren’t lying about the mascara-streaked cheeks, even if I don’t wear mascara. I think it’s something that always happens when you have to face the truth about what scares you – or it scares you that what you’re saying about your fears are true?
Anyways, my list:
1 – I’m worried I won’t be taken seriously for a very long time because I’m short and look much younger than my age (20). I’m worried that, at 30, people will still be asking me where I’m planning on applying to for university, when all I’m trying to do is find a job and be taken seriously there. I’m worried it will impact my ability to be taken seriously by employers and be hired even more.
2 – I’m worried that, no matter how good my marks are and no matter how passionate I am about art history and women’s studies, I’ll never find a job as a museum curator, preferably in feminist art history, because the competition is so f-ing fierce. I’m worried that, because of that, I won’t be able to engage with my passion daily in my career.
3 – I still turn to food for support more often than I’d like to admit.
4 – I’m INCREDIBLY worried about the people I love – my parents, my sister, my cat, my grandparents, my friends, this guy I really like… I’m a caring person, but that can be a bad thing when every single time something only sad bad happens to someone it feels like your heart is being squeezed.
5 – I’m afraid for my own health. I had health problems this summer which were largely solved by going vegan and making other health changes, but that’s getting harder and harder to maintain no matter how determined I am, and I’m worried it won’t be enough next time.
6 – I’m worried about never having more than 1 or 2 TRUE friends (kind of like best friends.) Most of my friendships don’t work out, I don’t know why, even if I try to become friends with lots of different people – it’s as if no one wants to take that extra step and get to know me, too, and even if it’s very far off, I’m worried I won’t have bridesmaids at my wedding, and, more short-term, I’m worried I’ll never have people to hang out with and party with on saturday nights, which isn’t so far from the truth right now.
7 – I’ve always wanted to travel alone and make friends abroad, but because of #6, I’m worried I won’t actually make friends while travelling and my entire trip will be spent alone.
8 – I’m worried I’ll never be in a romantic relationship, as I’m 20 and the longest relationship I’ve been in was for 3 weeks when I was 12. And it’s not for lack of me liking people, even if I’d like to think I’m rather pretty, and smart.
9 – I’m worried that, even if I get to my goal weight, I’ll have to be careful with every single morsel I put in my mouth in order to not become overweight again.
10 – I’m worried I’ll never combat my anxiety over driving, even if I’m in therapy for it.
Oh, the tears.
So…now I make a list of reasons why those things won’t happen? (In this comment?)
Hmm.
But thanks for the safe space to be able to make this list… Sometimes, my overly positive attitude fails me sometimes, or just needs a break.
Love your blog, by the way – I need to comment more, I’ve been lurking!
– Laura
Wow. This is just incredible. I only came to your blog, Tara, last Friday and have spent a lot of time over the weekend making up for lost time. Each of your posts have made me think, and inspired me. But, this post in particular really made me stop. Just as you said in the follow-up Vlog, it is so easy to look at other people’s lives and think about just how wonderful, accomplished and in control they are. They eat better, fit more into their day, and reach for the sky in every waking moment. It’s not to take anything away from people such as yourself, because you are a true inspiration. But this post is so raw and brave. In spite of all of the amazing things that you do, you are human and have vulnerabilities. The fact that you could share and celebrate yours is truly powerful, because it has obviously allowed others to do the same!
Anyway, without further ado, I am afraid:
1. Of fear. It is a silly one, but I know that fears hold me back, so I am afraid of fear itself.
2. That I will not accomplish everything that I set out to. That self-sabotage and fear of what others will think will hold me back and in my old age, I will have regrets.
3. That I’ll let emotions dictate what I eat, and not be as healthy as I truly want to be.
4. That I will not be authentic out of fear of what others will think.
5. That my boyfriend and I might be on separate paths.
6. That I’m socially awkward and people will think I’m odd for choosing close mates over boozy nights.
7. That I wont paint enough or create anything really amazing.
8. That I will never be good enough to be a yoga teacher.
9. That I wont be taken seriously because I want to combine psych and yoga teaching.
You are such an angel!
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